"Challenge."

86 more days till I leave.
28 more days till im 19.
14 more days till HP6 ( giant smile! )

So, I decided Im going to try to write a blog everyday of july. Since, it's muh faaayv month :) So yeah. LOL.

I really dont think that, since I dont have a computer 24/7, that it will really happen.

K, how about every other day? Yep. Sounds GRRRREAT!

Anyways, plans for the day, Thursday, July 2nd.
1) FINISH VOTECH!!! and eat BDAY cake ( its my teachers bday today. woot.)
2)Chillax in the hizzax ( lol ) Actually, chilling with the biffle doing grad party stuff for her ( her party is tomorrow)
3) going to Toledo with biff for her grad party outfit ( hopefully wont take too long :) )
4) pestering D about HP6 tickets, and finally, my personal favorite
5) SLEEP :)

I have been getting SUCH good sleep lately. I think its because Im in my own bed. Is it mean to say I just dont really feel like sleeping over anymore? At least, just giving it a break. Like a week or two. I just really love my bed. Im so comfty :)

And yes, the t in comfy was on purpose :D one of the many reasons I love D, lol.

So, I tried to send katvonD a message about a possible internship once Im out there.
They dont have emails accessable to the public.
So i'll have to like, fing call.
Which reminds me, I need to email my uncle.
oh jesus.
anyways, its not even 8:30 am. And im already up. and blogging. FML!

"Word of the Day: Yay."

So. Wednesday, July 1st. Officially 29 more days until Im 19.
87 more days until Chels and I leave for California.
And an unnumerable ammount of days await after that for me to miss David.
*sigh*
I feel somewhat sick.

Yesterday was kindof a bad day for me. I was running on barely any sleep (hadnt slept at my house in four days) and, after class and barely feeding myself, David tried to make me walk. Tried. And failed. We got a little over a 1/4 of a mile when my sluggish self convinced him that he didnt, actually, want to take a walk. Spotted Cow Icecream seemed to lure him away like that (snaps) but I really think it was me. I was so out of it. I think I was walking bareley five inches ever two seconds (which is slow, if you think about it) and so yeah. Last night I fell asleep abruptly around 7 in the evening. And woke slightly rested today at 6:45. Stayed in bed till 7:37, but woke up at 6:45. Sounds to me like Im almost back to having my annoying internal clock ways. Oh joy.

So Friday is my last day of votech! YAY! EXTREME YAY! JUMPING UP AND DOWN AND SCREAMING YAY! Well, I thik yay is pretty fitting, if I do say so myself.

So either last week or a few days ago ( my mind forgets, but Im pretty sure it was sometime last week) I wrote a really awesomly descriptive blog about feeling insane with all the different things going on in my head, and i was pretty damn proud of myself. Then, I push publish post. I get a fun little pop up saying that "Sorry, Blogger is experiencing some difficulties and could'nt post." Im like "ahh, thats okay, I saved it." Apparently the difficulties were involved with the saving process, and it was erased. My hour was crushed.

But today, its all "Save save save". So, yay for learning.

So the pic of me and David in this post is from Senior Trip. I just dont have a good recent pic of us,and I feel like there should be more about him in this post, since we've been having dates frequently lately and I just owe him credit for yesterday being so out of it, lol.

So yeah, he's basically,um, like totally amazing, lol.

The girl in front of me has the hiccups. Yay for embarrassment.

So yeah...really dont know what else to say today,except....


yay. :D

"this isnt really all there is; Is it?"

Today, I woke up. And I died.

I.am.so.freaking.tired.

Sheesh.

Anyways, Im supposedly working on a worksheet. But, I cant remember how to do it. And my voice isnt normally functioning untill 11. And it's 8:35 in the am.
God.
My life feels like an FML moment right now.

How sad, though, that I laugh at FML posts? I mean seriously, the sad ones I go "Aww, that sucks." Then, I laugh. It reminds me of Jacob saying "Life sucks. Then you die." It's so...I dont know. Disheartening in a way. And Im totally the only one typing in the whole class right now, obviously not doing my work. I should win the procrastination award. I think I kind of desereve it, ha ha.

Wow, my eye wont stop watering. I hate that.

I had a bagel for breakfast. It wasnt as fufilling as it made itself appear. Hmm.

P.S.
My iKea obsessed brain drugded up this amazing bedspread. Hopefully I get it in the future :D

white flag; oh your right.

i love that song, "white flag"...and whoever sings "Flightless Bird American Mouth" love love love it.

Anyways, its 12:10. I get out at 12:15. Im neatly going insane.

I started re-reading Stephen King's "The Stand" today, easily the best book I've ever read. And probably the deepest. Ahh, my childlike ways. Im happy with Spiderwick (lol, atleast the movie)

Sometimes I feel like I'll never be anything but how I am now. I think my problem is that I live in the moment too much. Like...I cant fathom the future. At all. It probably contibutes to my poor planning skills and that I have "no plan for my life". I mean, the basics are defined, roughly. Like, staying with David. Living with him forever. Having a dog. Thats it, basically, thats all I need/want from life. Everything else can do whatever it wants, while Im waiting on that. So, why plan?

David calls my move to California pointless. He says Im going to get out there and not have anyway back to save my butt once I realize nothing will be different, to sum it up. I dont see why. I mean, he may not my rough details for the future, but I do. I've known them forever.
Ah well, home beckons.

These word's encirle; Crushing.

"So go on, love,
Leave while there's still hope for escape.
You gotta take what you can these days;
There's so much ahead and,
So much regret.
I know what you wanna say,
I know what you wanna say,
I know it, but can't help feeling differently,
I loved you,
And I should have said it,
But tell me, just what has it ever meant?

I can't help it baby, this is who I am,
Am.
I'm sorry but I can't just go turn off how I feel,
Feel.
You kill me, you build me up,
But just to watch me break.
Hey hey,
Hey hey.
I know what I should do but I just,
Can't walk,Away...."


"Oh, and i'm often false explaining
But to her it plays out all the same
and although i'm left defeated
It gets held against my name
i know you got plenty to offer baby
But I guess I've taken quite enough
well i'm some stain there on your bedsheet
You're my diamond in the rough"

"It's like I got a hole in my pocket
tryin' to keep you satisfied
It's like I gotta burn a million bridges
just to keep you by my side

Don't make waves in the water
if you mess around you'll drdown
it's not like I couldn't stop her
'cause a girl can't be tied down
and I'll say it again"

"I make the most of all the stress
I try to live without regrets
But I'm about to break a sweat
I'm freakin' out
It's like a poison in my brain
It's like a fog that blurs the scene
It's like a vine you cant untangle
I’m freakin' out"

"I'm tired of trying
Your teasing ain't enough
Fed up of biding your time
When I don't get nothing back
And for what, and for what, and for what
When I don't get nothing back
Boy I'm tired of trying
Your teasing ain't enough
Fed up of biding your time
When I don't get nothing back
And for what, and for what, and for what
When I don't get nothing back
Boy I'm tired"

" I start to melt
with your arms, round my waist
and your mouth, starts to spell
and the words, telling me, to fade"

"All I need is just an answer please
So I can show you what you mean to me
But you continue to cry
And I just don't know why "

"I can't stand another night
Stand another night without you

Since you've been away
Everythings don't seem like they used to be
Between you & me
Cause I'm missing you
I'm missing you, love"

...

"Im running in the rain
On a dark and cloudy day
Wondering if your here
What I have to say
I cant seem to slow down when i worry about you
And i'm running, i'm running to you

I wanna see you fall so i can help you up
catch you at the bottom push you back to the top
I cant seem to slow down when i worry about you
And i'm running, i'm running to you

Im running throught the music
Stepping on each note
im running through the pictures
playing everyones role
i running to the top
im to the bottom
And i'm running, i'm running to you

Running from the fear of not knowing where to go
from the question i dont ask and the answers i dont know im running
through myself and everybody else
And im running, running to you
so im running, im running to you

im running till this world becomes a better place
im running not to lose this human race
im know i can make it when im holding your hand
so im running, im running to you

Im running and im breathless but i have to go on
these steps are the beat and im sing this song
Hear it on the stereo where you are
and im running, running to you to you

im running from the past and from all my mistakes
im running and im sorry if I cant say in one place
no where i can go that can stop me from running
and im running, running to you to you

im running till this world becomes a better place
im running not to lose this human race
im know i can make it when im holding your hand
so im running, im running to you

Im running and im breathless but i have to go on
these steps are the beat and im sing this song
Hear it on the stereo where you are
and im running, running to you to you

im running from the past and from all my mistakes
im running and im sorry if I cant say in one place
no where i can go that can stop me from running
and im running, running to you to you "

Teusday? I thought it was Friday.

This boy, well, man actually, is the most important thing in my life. And I'm about to be seperated from him.

My dreams of bright beaches and always sunny weather have been on the backseat for a while. And now, with them finally being in the front seat, all I do is cry about not seeing David as much as now, which is minimum. How ridiculous is that?

And my arm hurts. Bad. I got a little over ambisoius (sp) with walking Moose last night, and well, since he's not the best trained dog in the world, he killed my right arm. I can hardly bend it. But it was worth it to see David, as well as Tina and Tut. They are such cuties. Too bad my dog is homosexual and wanted to take a ride on King Tut.

So my summer class is going...well, just going. It's over next week, and I couldnt be more glad. The teacher isnt necessarily mean, but she's just...she's someone who you know wasnt liked much as a child, lets put it that way. I cant stand her, but since I cant be mean to people I dont know, I'm always being called on and seem like the one attentive student. I get sympathetic glances, but no help from anyone. And she's really starting to grate on my nerves. GAH!

Anyways, I was listeing to Jimmy Eat World last night, and refound a favorite song of mine that had been long dormant. Which resulted in it as my banner, lol. But yeah, thats mostly how the last two days have gone. Its a Teusday, which doesnt mean much, but I could have sworn yesterday was thursday. This class is messing with my mentality.

For the Love of California.

So Im sitting here on my second day in my online class at our local vo-tech center, and two thoughts are on my mind; 1) Im so incredibly hungry. 2) IDK if the move to California will not shake my relationship with David. I just recently moved back home, as well as passing out year and a half relationship mark (straight, that is, to me its been 5 & 1/2 years) and moving with on of my bff's to Cali instead of college with him seems both a blessing and a curse. But Sky above if this isnt exactly what I've been wishing for; An excape, a chance to do things on my own for once, and not only in my favorite place in the world but with someone willing to go with me and that I love like family. This would be the best experience in the world to me; Im just afraid of leaving my love behind. Sky knows I love him, and that he loves me. But distance has always been an issue, especially not being able to see eachother. What would happen when I move away, and he goes on to college without me?