Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Vintage photos - Pedigree

teusdays are the worst.

do you ever feel like your falling into a hole that you didnt ever see coming? like for one moment, you stand at the edge, and when you turn to take the next step, BAM! your down in a dark chasm, air rushing past you as you plummet into the unknown? ( a side note, I hate the word unknown. too many n's.) i just cant get over this cold, and its effecting my attitude and performance at school. Im tired all the time, I keep waking up late, and to add to the heap, my family is being, well, themselves. My only solace is that A] saturday is valentines, & B] my parents are leaving for a week that morning. However, I dont know how awkward the next week will be, living with my unstable uncle who, for his instability, has never had children of his own. Im afraid that next week will be hell, not just for me but for my sister as well. I dont know what he'll be like without my parents there, how I could possibly live with him after so long. Itll be strange. At least Ill be gone all day saturday. There's relief in that, at least.

two in one. i know, i know.

so. i just keep thinking about chapel today, and how our class just like, really opened up. It wasnt any of the girls, and it was only a hand full of people, but those people, they were the men in our class that really lead, the popular guys who everyone knows, you know? I just... I keep thinking about it. I guess, I didnt say anything, because Im really trying to not care. I feel like Im a drama queen sometimes, and that people see me as attention seeking,but Im really not. I just like to me involved, but not hog the spotlight, you know? I know David doesnt like to speak out, to feel "uncomfortable" or whatever by standing up and saying whats convicting him, and i understand that. Everyone is different. I just keep wanting to, you know, ask for help, but then Im like "No, you need to stop seeking attention, and not care so much." is that wrong? i really dont know. I keep wanting to send Andrew, Devin, Isaac, Nick, Tyler, or Brendon a message, either on facebook or whatever, just saying that I feel for them, and I love them as syblings in Christ. But then Im like, I dont really believe in Christ, so how could I say that? Should I believe in him? What has he ever done thats bettered me? I think Im Agnostic. I think that, I mean I know that I "believed" once. Whatever that really means. I just...I dunno. I dont want to be like, like part of their testamonies said today that they all went through harsh times, like where Im at now. But why did they come back? Who says theres something to come back to? I dont know. I think, sometimes, that I need to have serious Christ talks with my friends, and with David, but who am I to say that? Im worse than they are. So, I really dont know what the heck to do. I hate when people see me and are like "Oh, let me pray for you." Praying to me seems like pointless crap. It never works, and see, this is where Im just like, "K, dont want to believe in this." But I dunno...I keep sayind subconsciously, "Thank God for ______" you know? I dont . I just really dont know anymore.


but the more I think about it, the more i look at my past, and how i once felt the very hand of God with me, i think; That wasnt a delusion. The security I only got when I slept safe under knowing God loved me, that he wouldnt just get up and leave me and wasnt stuck with me, but chose me, made me special just for Him and His glory, i think ;Thats got to be it. That had to be faith. And thats where I need to get back to. Half the time, I think Mr. Crafts is a load of shit with a mouth, but I think, now that I really take in his words from the last few days, that he's right; God is on the move among us, and the Senior class is wakening.

Mmmmm

Take me where I've never been

Help me on my feet again

Show me that good things come to those who wait

Tell me I'm not on my own

Tell me I won't be alone

Tell me what I'm feeling isn't some mistake'

Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Save me from myself, you can

And it's you and no one else

If I could wish upon tomorrow tonight would never end

If you asked me I would followBut for now

I'll just pretend'

Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Baby, when you look at me

Tell me what do you see

Are these the eyes of someone you could love?'

Cause everything that brought me here

Well, not it all seems so clear

Baby, you're the one that I've been dreaming of

If anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Save me from myself, you can

And it's you and no one else

If I could wish upon tomorrow tonight would never end

If you asked me I would followBut for now

I'll just pretend'

Cause if anyone can make me fall in love

Only you can take me sailing in your deepest eyes

Bring me to my knees and make me cry

And no one's ever done this

Everything was just a lie and I know, yes,

I know

This is where it all begins

So tell me it will never end

I can't fool myself, it's you and no one else

If I could wish upon tomorrow tonight would never end

If you asked me I would follow

But for now I'll just pretend

'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can

Show me that good things come to those who wait

some days are blessed.

So I think that David is beautiful, but Id never actually say that out loud to him. I think he thinks Im weird, since Im like, super obsessive about him. Like, ok, maybe "obsessive" is the wrong word, i guess im like a David-addict, lol. Is that love? mmm, i think it is:D lol. He just makes me happy, even when he's grumpy, he makes me laugh. Ha. I dunno, he just brightens my day. I have this thing on my myspace, that says, "You'll be my star, I'll be your sky. You can hide beneath me and come out at night. When I turn jet black and you show off your light; I live to let you shine." Its so true. I never cease to be amazed by him. Just today, I was sitting next to him in business principals, our arms together since we couldnt hold hands, and i layed my head down. I just looked at him, and i dont think he knew i was, but all i thought was : How lucky am I to be with him, and does he know just how amazing he really is? I dont think he realizes how much he's grown since Ive known him, how much of a man he is, and how superb that man is. I just....love him.

Ok, Ive been lately listening to a lot of David Archuleta, which is something I dont normally do. But I heard his song, To Be With You, and i dunno, David just popped into my head. Maybe, if your reading this, you might have someone in mind too. Heres the lyrics. I hope everyone has their own David.

"I've been alone so many nights now, And I've been waitin' for the stars to fall.I keep holdin' out for what I don't knowTo be with you, just to be with you.So here I am staring at the moon tonight, Wondering how you look in this light.Maybe you're somewhere thinkin' about me too.To be with you, there's nothing I wouldn't do.And I can't imagine two worlds spinnin' apartCome together eventually.And when we finally meet, I'll know it's right.I'll be at the end of my restless road.But this journey, it was worth the fight.To be with you, just to be...Holding you for the very first time, never letting go.What I wouldn't give to feel that way... Ooohh...Oh, to be with you...Oh, and I can't imagine two worlds spinnin' apartCome together eventually.And when you're standin' here in front of me, That's when I know that God does exist.'Cause He will have answered every single prayer.To be with you, just to be with you, yeah. You...."

dont believe your on the right path just because its well beaten...

I.Hate.Being.Sick.

So I've recently felt the push to "plan for the future" and its not just these past few days of the second semester, but like, the last six months, just wondering where ill be and what ill be doing this time next year. Hopefully, Ill still be with David, since we've managed not to get too sick of eachother these last few years, but Im keeping it light and friendly since I really dont know what he's doing in his head about "us". And like, I hope to be well on my way to being financially independent, possibly owning a small studio flat with a dog or cat of my own.

Today, Carly and I looked up the worlds smallest lemurs in English. They are SO cute:D They're about the size of half my pointer finger, which just blows my mind that something like a monkey can function being that small. And we looked at Flemish Rabbits again, which are the worlds largest docile rabbits. I wonder why they dont live in the wild anymore, but since they're 3 ft or more long, they're either easy prey or too much of a population hazard to be in the wild anymore. Yeah, screw English, look up insanely sized animals.

I really dont see whats wrong with the Amy song by Britney Spears. I really like it. Its kinda...dark, but awesome. I love the chorus. Anyways, more of my music obsessed ramblings is something Im not eager to put out, lol, lest someone know how really insane I am, lol. I laugh to much.

white blood cells.

So, Im officially sick for the first time this year. And. It officially sucks. I hate being sick, hate having my throat shot and sounding like hell, having my nose running (yes, the awful truth) and having a pounding headache. And, whats worse is David wont even come over and share getting better (since we're both sick from Valerie) and, just an extra bonus, its superbowl sunday, and we have people over who are super loud. lalalalala. i keep forgetting about this place for blogging. i need to stick with it.

So Im in my room, eating a breadstick. I wish I was better. But Im not. Mercy has me in its hand though, and I dont have to go to school tomorrow. Unfortunatly, it means Im missing a day with David, which equals suckyness. Whatever. I need sleep.