so. i just keep thinking about chapel today, and how our class just like, really opened up. It wasnt any of the girls, and it was only a hand full of people, but those people, they were the men in our class that really lead, the popular guys who everyone knows, you know? I just... I keep thinking about it. I guess, I didnt say anything, because Im really trying to not care. I feel like Im a drama queen sometimes, and that people see me as attention seeking,but Im really not. I just like to me involved, but not hog the spotlight, you know? I know David doesnt like to speak out, to feel "uncomfortable" or whatever by standing up and saying whats convicting him, and i understand that. Everyone is different. I just keep wanting to, you know, ask for help, but then Im like "No, you need to stop seeking attention, and not care so much." is that wrong? i really dont know. I keep wanting to send Andrew, Devin, Isaac, Nick, Tyler, or Brendon a message, either on facebook or whatever, just saying that I feel for them, and I love them as syblings in Christ. But then Im like, I dont really believe in Christ, so how could I say that? Should I believe in him? What has he ever done thats bettered me? I think Im Agnostic. I think that, I mean I know that I "believed" once. Whatever that really means. I just...I dunno. I dont want to be like, like part of their testamonies said today that they all went through harsh times, like where Im at now. But why did they come back? Who says theres something to come back to? I dont know. I think, sometimes, that I need to have serious Christ talks with my friends, and with David, but who am I to say that? Im worse than they are. So, I really dont know what the heck to do. I hate when people see me and are like "Oh, let me pray for you." Praying to me seems like pointless crap. It never works, and see, this is where Im just like, "K, dont want to believe in this." But I dunno...I keep sayind subconsciously, "Thank God for ______" you know? I dont . I just really dont know anymore.
but the more I think about it, the more i look at my past, and how i once felt the very hand of God with me, i think; That wasnt a delusion. The security I only got when I slept safe under knowing God loved me, that he wouldnt just get up and leave me and wasnt stuck with me, but chose me, made me special just for Him and His glory, i think ;Thats got to be it. That had to be faith. And thats where I need to get back to. Half the time, I think Mr. Crafts is a load of shit with a mouth, but I think, now that I really take in his words from the last few days, that he's right; God is on the move among us, and the Senior class is wakening.
Mmmmm
Take me where I've never been
Help me on my feet again
Show me that good things come to those who wait
Tell me I'm not on my own
Tell me I won't be alone
Tell me what I'm feeling isn't some mistake'
Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can
Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow tonight would never end
If you asked me I would followBut for now
I'll just pretend'
Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can
Baby, when you look at me
Tell me what do you see
Are these the eyes of someone you could love?'
Cause everything that brought me here
Well, not it all seems so clear
Baby, you're the one that I've been dreaming of
If anyone can make me fall in love, you can
Save me from myself, you can
And it's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow tonight would never end
If you asked me I would followBut for now
I'll just pretend'
Cause if anyone can make me fall in love
Only you can take me sailing in your deepest eyes
Bring me to my knees and make me cry
And no one's ever done this
Everything was just a lie and I know, yes,
I know
This is where it all begins
So tell me it will never end
I can't fool myself, it's you and no one else
If I could wish upon tomorrow tonight would never end
If you asked me I would follow
But for now I'll just pretend
'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, you can
Show me that good things come to those who wait
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